Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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