xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
