Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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