I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
