A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
