You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize