Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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