you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
