Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
