my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
