We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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