Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
