and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
