Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
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Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.