I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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