I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
