hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
