Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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