I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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