Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
