I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
