I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i out mim tonsoeep
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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