69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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