He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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