i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
