I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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