I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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