When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
