Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
