Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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