so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
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i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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