Where is the hickey?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize