His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
