I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
