Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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