At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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