So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
