You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
