Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
one might say we're banned from that church
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
