Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
