I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
