I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
