i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
