Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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