So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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