don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
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I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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