I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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