I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You are a genius and a whore.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
