I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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