My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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