I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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