I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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