I smell stomach acid.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
