On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
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so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.