no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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