K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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