me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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